My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
