Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
