Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
