Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
