so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
