saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
