I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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