Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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