you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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