one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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