Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
