so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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