I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
