You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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