Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Drunk is a universal language darling
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
