Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
