So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
