Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
