We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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