her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
