Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
