Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
