someone get that fucking seahorse.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
