I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
