You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
