One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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