I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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