my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
