forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
