we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
