Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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