I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
