well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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