first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
