Dual....:-)
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
