M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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