yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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