Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
