I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
