i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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