i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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