Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
