I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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