New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i dont even know how to be here
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
