fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
