Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
