Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
