so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
