Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
