Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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