I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
