Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize