alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
