A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
