she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
