so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
