Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
In America we eat man semen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
