in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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