apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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