It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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