Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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