I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
