im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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