I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's great music for shaving your balls
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
