i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
