Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
