I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
