Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
