i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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