Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
