we're chasing vodka with high fives
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
