Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
