Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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