after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
