What did we do last night that was yellow?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
