I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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