1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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