You just made me feel so damn special
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
