Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
